I don’t know where to start because everything seems so out of place.
I guess. It’s like being on the opposite side of the mirror.
I remember thinking that I’ve always wanted to be on the other side of the mirror. Are used to stand there and look at myself and wonder how is this my life, it didn’t seem quite right being expected to be someone that I’m not.
Somehow I can’t figure out if I sacrificed the child spirit within me, or if it was taken from me, I don’t remember! You see that’s what adoption does, it confuses you into some broken, lost befuddled state of mind.
Your lost spirit is screaming at you from a far away place. You hear it as a muffled whisper.
I don’t know where I’m are supposed to be…
There is a really perturbed silence that holds back your voice and your ability to respond. You know, that if you attempt to say anything about where you think you should or shouldn’t be, you get a response or an expectation from people thinking they know what’s best for you, what you should be thinking and what you should be doing.
Everyone has an opinion on your life because you’re adopted, especially your adopters, however nobody listens to what you actually have to say. Your broken cries for understanding are either ignored or unnoticed.
It wasn’t until I gave myself space to reflect on what was actually going on in my life and sagaciously think about the negativity and expectations of my adoptive parents that my true sense of self came forward.
My spirit wasn’t hiding, it was always there, but it was cloaked in the guise of what adoption expected me to be in other peoples eyes.
The longer you’re adopted the heavier the cloak is to bare. One day I woke and realised that I’m now on the opposite side of the mirror, but this time I’m not wearing the Cloke.