Adoption is a psychological barrier. Not knowing how or why you got there. It feels like you are forced to live your life in a bubble chained to the ground that belongs to someone else.
Inside your head, your brain feels like it’s being restricted, with a thick invisible fog that’s anchored at the base of your skull with an axe. Physically your voice has been stolen from you by society and held to ransom. Your heart feels crushed with grief and loss. Your perception of life is skewed into one that others expect you to have. Your abilities and life skills are severely hampered, distorted and delayed . Your identity is confused. When you finally see a way out, its like you’ve been drugged, your consciousness stumbles out of the fog while your body and your abilities hit against every obstacle imaginable. The only way out usually means walking through your adoptive family’s collective heart. Bloodied guilt drags behind you like a constant reminder of where you’ve come from. Waves of pain and guilt hold on to you trying pulling you back in.
The light a head is blissful yet I feel lost, not knowing where to go, or what to do next or even how to do it. The unknown is frightening but I feel compelled to breath like it’s my first breath and take each step, one at a time in hope that I will eventually find myself wherever that may be.